This Mother’s Day was extra special because we were able to enjoy it with our new addition, Thalia Abilene . Even though she is only 2 months old, I already feel such a sweet bond with her. It is slightly different than what I have with the boys. I wanted to take this time to share what life has been as a mother of 3 these last few months. More than anything, I feel like it would be more therapeutic for me to write it out and at the same time I hope that it allows someone to feel as if they are not alone in this postpartum season.
I know social media has become the platform for only sharing the good more than the bad, but that certainly doesn’t mean I have escaped those bad days. Its just something that isn’t shared as often because, lets face it, no one wants people to feel bad for them or think that they are playing the sympathy card. I guess, for myself, I haven’t found a genuine way to share “bad days”. Although I don’t share the bad days, doesn't mean I have the perfect life, because we all know no one has the perfect life, marriage and kids.
There are different levels of post partum depression and I would have to say that for me, I’ve noticed it has come in the form of anxiety. I feel it coming on when I feel a lack of organization in my home and life. I thrive on having a clean home and I consider myself a well organized person. Well, except for the garage, even though I’ve cleaned it out time and time again, somehow it becomes chaos within months. I’m sure many of you can relate. My wonderful house cleaner, also known as my life saver, helps me with the intense cleaning. I then focus on maintaining it clean, but with two wild boys it doesn’t stay as clean as I would like. That’s where my anxiety kicks in, which then seems to trigger my hormones into a slow downward spiral. Next thing you know, I’m throwing myself a pity party about how everything is going wrong. The thoughts of me not doing enough as a wife and mother, etc. There are more good days than bad, but those bad days seem to put me in a rut and it takes away all my energy. Its an anxiety of wanting everything back in its place immediately, but it isn’t getting done as quickly as I’d like. Then, all I hear is myself yelling over and over again. You know the battles with 5 and 7 year olds, right? In the end, I feel so guilty for yelling at my kids when I should just let them be. It’s so easy to just say “oh well, let the house be unorganized” but I really struggle with allowing myself to do that.
I am very aware that the anxiety I feel is caused by my hormones and with that awareness, I try to get a hold of it as often as I can by changing my tone of voice, or giving myself a time out in another room. Also, just crying it out can help so much to just move on with the day. Even in the bad days there is something I can learn and grow from. Something that always comes to mind is how things could be worse and and soon after I realize how grateful I am.
I didn’t come prepared with a list of all kinds of things that can help because I’m currently in the midst of figuring it out myself. One tip I will offer is this: meditate on God’s word though out the day. I will say that healing takes time and in the process of healing you must simply abide. There isn’t an express “fix it” way to get through it, simply abide. The word of God says “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me” (John 15:4). Just know that God is already working it on our behalf and we must put our trust in Him. Remember this: “This too shall pass!”